Is salmon pink ?

This is not why I sleep in women’s houses, but it’s also not not why I don’t. See if heaven had another heaven inside it, the inner sanctum, holy of holies, that would be a woman’s bed. First, they ensure their beds are soft because of all the wickedness they [the women, not the bed] carry. And it’s a King-size bed, because every little girl still dreams of being a queen. The mattress is not the one that can break your back—that’s your boss, and no, not in that way. That mattress is like knowing someone in government—or someone who is known in government.

And look, men are told many things when they sleep in a woman’s house: “Oh, the owner, the one who pays rent will catch you.” Mara, “A real man will never sleep in a house he doesn’t pay rent”. Anga, “Oh, what will you even wear in her house?” First, I have fallen asleep in Indimanje matatus when they were overlapping at Outer Ring Road while playing high-decibel Jamaican ragga and you think nodding off at a memory foam mattress with white [linen] bedsheets will make me feel guilty? Shame is a mindset and why are you sleep shaming me? As for what I will wear; I like to consider myself a progressive man and an on-demand feminist ally so find me wearing her hotpants written “JUICY” on the back. For good measure, I’ll even ask for a bonnet and some chamomile tea while she spills the tea (ahem) on which good boy is doing bad things to the office baddie. It’s only embarrassing if you are embarrassed. To be a modern man, you have to be shameless. Shameless!

The point is, if you want to understand what good living (and living good) feels like, go learn that from a woman. And they do this on a budget; they know the best places to thrift household items, they know every nook and cranny for your bedroom toys (you know what I mean) and, having spent half their life on Instagram, they can practically much do a makeover interior design for your house. Let’s face it men: we have champagne tastes on a lemonade budget.

So go on, carry your change of underwear(s), 96-hour ‘fresh’ roll on and audacity, and go take a day or two or three. In fact, sleep on the side next to the wall; let her get the door. You are a [pillow] Prince, and you deserve to be treated like royalty, and you are in your soft boy era, the only calls you are picking are of nature, donge? Besides, how else will you learn that salmon is not just a fish but a type of colour, kwanza ya pink?

Eventually, you will move into a woman’s house. Because as every man knows, when a woman moves into your house, it stops becoming your house. That is the law of nature. The man who learns this early in life has no qualms about sleeping in a woman’s house because a real man, real masculinity, knows that you can still guard your frame—and flame. 

Brethren, a woman’s house? This is where God would live if God were to live on earth.

As told By Eddy Ashioya - The Daily Nation 

  

#chinedutales