Skip to main content

Is salmon pink ?


This is not why I sleep in women’s houses, but it’s also not not why I don’t. See if heaven had another heaven inside it, the inner sanctum, holy of holies, that would be a woman’s bed. First, they ensure their beds are soft because of all the wickedness they [the women, not the bed] carry. And it’s a King-size bed, because every little girl still dreams of being a queen. The mattress is not the one that can break your back—that’s your boss, and no, not in that way. That mattress is like knowing someone in government—or someone who is known in government.

And look, men are told many things when they sleep in a woman’s house: “Oh, the owner, the one who pays rent will catch you.” Mara, “A real man will never sleep in a house he doesn’t pay rent”. Anga, “Oh, what will you even wear in her house?” First, I have fallen asleep in Indimanje matatus when they were overlapping at Outer Ring Road while playing high-decibel Jamaican ragga and you think nodding off at a memory foam mattress with white [linen] bedsheets will make me feel guilty? Shame is a mindset and why are you sleep shaming me? As for what I will wear; I like to consider myself a progressive man and an on-demand feminist ally so find me wearing her hotpants written “JUICY” on the back. For good measure, I’ll even ask for a bonnet and some chamomile tea while she spills the tea (ahem) on which good boy is doing bad things to the office baddie. It’s only embarrassing if you are embarrassed. To be a modern man, you have to be shameless. Shameless!

The point is, if you want to understand what good living (and living good) feels like, go learn that from a woman. And they do this on a budget; they know the best places to thrift household items, they know every nook and cranny for your bedroom toys (you know what I mean) and, having spent half their life on Instagram, they can practically much do a makeover interior design for your house. Let’s face it men: we have champagne tastes on a lemonade budget.

So go on, carry your change of underwear(s), 96-hour ‘fresh’ roll on and audacity, and go take a day or two or three. In fact, sleep on the side next to the wall; let her get the door. You are a [pillow] Prince, and you deserve to be treated like royalty, and you are in your soft boy era, the only calls you are picking are of nature, donge? Besides, how else will you learn that salmon is not just a fish but a type of colour, kwanza ya pink?

Eventually, you will move into a woman’s house. Because as every man knows, when a woman moves into your house, it stops becoming your house. That is the law of nature. The man who learns this early in life has no qualms about sleeping in a woman’s house because a real man, real masculinity, knows that you can still guard your frame—and flame. 

Brethren, a woman’s house? This is where God would live if God were to live on earth.


As told By Eddy Ashioya - The Daily Nation 

  

#chinedutales

Comments

  1. My take home .. "A woman's house"

    ReplyDelete
  2. And I will still go with this - Oh, the owner, the one who pays rent will catch you.” Mara, “A real man will never sleep in a house he doesn’t pay rent”.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 😂😂

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mara ooh😂😂 Anga ooh, should be a kamba

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Torque Talk Episode 7 (Subaru Forester vs Mazda CX5)

Battle of the Giants: Subaru Forester SJ5 vs. Mazda CX-5 – Kenyan Edition! Here's the thing , we have the Subaru Forester SJ5 2017 model, a vehicle that’s practically a Swiss Army knife on wheels. In the other corner, the Mazda CX-5 2017—sleek, stylish, and always ready to give you side-eye like your secret admirer-crush. Let’s start with the Forester. This beast is like that one friend who insists on going on safari every weekend. With enough space for a whole family (or that Kadebe thing), it’s perfect for those kanga road trips to Diani. Plus, it has a fabulous symmetrical all-wheel drive system—because the last thing you need on a rainy day in Nairobi is a car that decides it's taking a detour to the nearest pothole. Now, the CX-5 is like the cool guy who eats mutura and chafuas meza ya kalocal. It’s stylish, it’s got curves in all the right places, and gives you the rich uncle/aunt vibes! With a plush interior and impressive tech features and premium music sytem, it might ...

Beyond the Boarders Episode 1: Luxembourg

HAPPY 2025!! Welcome to Beyond the Borders , your gateway to the wonders of global travel! In this column, we’ll take you on thrilling adventures across continents, diving into diverse cultures, hidden gems, and must-visit destinations. From bustling cityscapes to serene natural retreats, we’ll bring you stories, tips, and inspiration to fuel your wanderlust. Whether you’re an avid traveler or someone dreaming of their first big trip, this space is for you. Join us as we traverse the globe, uncovering what makes every corner of the world special. So, fasten your seatbelts and get ready to journey Beyond the Borders . Let’s explore the world - Together ! Beyond the Borders : Exploring the World, One Story at a Time For those who are interested in Luxembourg, check this; In Kenya, applying for a Luxembourg visa is straightforward if you follow the right steps. Here’s a simplified guide to help you get started: Determine the Visa Type Identify the purpose of your visit. Common visa types ...

Major Ariel

Ariel studies Chemistry, but is also a footballer who retired prematurely because of a bad knee. A knee that chose chemistry over football. He is a farmer during long holidays. He keeps chicken and milk his father’s cow on a good day. On a bad day he goes to a nearby dusty arena to play football, to see if his knee could have possibly changed its idea about chemistry. Ten minutes into the  game he becomes a living testimony that his knees were actually meant to stand long hours in the chemistry lab doing tests and mixing chemicals to see colour changes, precipitates and what have you that don’t excite me. He is a vocabulary expert and a story teller. He is a fitness aficionado. He is a brother and a son. I can’t prove that he is a boyfriend but I can prove beyond any limits that in the past 7 days he has eaten chapatti at least thrice.  He's authored   THE FAMILY MAN ,   WHAT I WANT , GRIP REAPER ,  J'S COCUNUTS just to mention a handful. He is a huge...