One thing I've constantly wished for and prayed for so much since I began my parenthood journey is the gift of life to be able to raise my human being. Never in my darkest thoughts have I ever imagined leaving my son behind prematurely. He's been my reason to wake up every single day and work off my @$$ so bad. Having a child is like plucking off a piece of you, a whole half of you and throwing it to the world. You must always keep a steady and sobber eye on it lest it get swallowed by this unforgiving world.
May we parents have abundant life. May we never leave our angels prematurely and so may our angels never depart before us.
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They wanted three names when I was registering for my KCPE. I had two; Lucy Wangeci. I said, “Use ‘Jesus’ as the third name - Lucy Wangeci Jesus.” They said, We can’t! I asked, “Why not?” They said, Because it’s Jesus! I said, “But he’s like our father.” Eventually, I picked another name; Irene.
I grew up in an orphanage where I was given those names. They are of no significance; I wasn’t named after anyone. Within those walls of the orphanage, you didn’t own any personal belongings. You wore anything you found that was not being worn by other girls. Shoes were communal. You are not an individual in an orphanage, you are a group of children. Nobody sees you.
And you are fine with it, you think it’s normal, until the day you pass by your classmate’s house after school and you discover that they are part of something called a family. That they don’t share clothes, they share blood. They have someone who asks them how school is and if they have homework. Hearing your classmate being asked a very strange question by her mother, “How are you?” makes you realise that you are like a weed growing in the dark. That, unlike them, nobody cares how you are, if you ate, if you bathed, if you have a fever. It hits you hard that you have never, and will never, utter the words “mom” or “dad.”
And you want all that comfort and care of a family. You refuse to go back. You ask them if you can stay with them - “I will be good,” you plead - but they gently tell you that you have to go back to your home. But it isn't home. It’s an orphanage. In high school nobody ever visits you. When you see parents embracing their daughters, it evokes longing and loneliness in such heightened measures that leaves you both embarrassed and staggered by loss.
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I was told that I was found by the roadside, sucking from the breasts of my dead mother. Nobody bothered to find out who she was, who my kith and kin were. I don’t have aunts and uncles. I will never be invited to the birthday party of a niece. Nobody will ever call me auntie. I have never had a grandfather or grandmother, or cousins or aunts. My surname means nothing. I have never belonged anywhere, to anybody.
So I have had to start all over. Starting from nothing is difficult, starting alone from nothing is downright daunting…
As told by Bikozulu
If you were raised up in a complete family you have all the reasons
ReplyDelete... To be thankful
DeleteAmen
ReplyDeleteI grew up an orphan I understand her language. Hugs Irene lotsa hugs 🫂 🥺
ReplyDeleteAnd such is life...
ReplyDelete