Marcus & Pau

 

I went to give a small talk about storytelling at Baraza Media Lab on Riverside Drive. Small group of three incubatees. The intrepid @Paushinski (Too Early For Benga) crashed the party and sat at the back, munching on a hotdog. (Who eats hot dogs in 2022?) So I made him earn his chair by having one of the incubates, Marcus Olang, role play an interview with him about losing his father just as he was turning 18. Turned out Marcus also only buried his father three months ago. It was pretty revealing listening to these very big men bleed on the floor. 

Later, after the do, as we sat in the common area having beers (I wasn't, but sounds grown up to say that) waiting to see where the winds of Friday evening would blow. Marcus came out dragging his wrecking ball of grief behind him. He looked defeated and spent. Pau instinctively stood up and like he knew just what Marcus needed, hugged him. Like a proper arms-around-each-other hug. And they stood like that, holding each other, and it went on and on and on. They were both wearing heavy jackets and the cold emotions of their grief curled between them and just stayed there like a stray dog looking for warmth.

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I thought they'd disengage but they didn't and I realized why; Marcus was weeping and Pau was whispering comfortingly and occasionally patting him on the back and his puffy jacket was making these puffy comforting sounds. A silence descended. I was seated with one James Rogoi shooting the breeze but we just fell into the silence as a respect to what was going on before us; two men, fatherless, bereaved, vulnerable and leaning into their feelings. They stood there for so long I raised my phone and took a photo and it felt both intrusive and insensitive, like taking a photo of someone's wound.

When they finally let go, Marcus wiped his eyes, sniffed and tried to stay strong, looking bewildered like he just got up from a nap. He mumbled, thanks, man, thanks and Hot-Dog-Guy,   lowering himself in a chair, said, you got this, stay solid. And it was so familiar, so sad and yet so beautiful.

Suddenly I also wanted a hug, but Pau had moved on.

As told By #bikozulu

See also; 

Suffer the children

Story of a picture