The Home Button

You don't feel it till you close the last app. 

I don't know what it is for you, but you'll know what I mean. Lonely. You don't feel lonely till you close the last app on your phone. Then it hits you. You see, it only hurts when you stop. It's like running. Trying to find people. Trying to find a scene. Trying to find that thing you don't even know what to call. But you're always looking. Always looking for it. There's always a hallucination about a red mark on the notifications icon. 

Finding new people around you. Refreshing news feed. Hold on a bit. Oops. Sorry. Nothing here. Like a mailman walking away leaving you at the door, holding it open for a miracle to walk in and understand how you feel. Maybe someone did. Maybe someone still does. But it's never enough is it? No one is all you need. People aren't islands. People are lifeboats, holding on for a while. Pulling down on little screens once again hoping to run into a bit of land.

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That's why we made these little screens. That's why the best paid minds in this world help you find people you may know, people you wish you knew, people you'll know better than you can imagine, people that you will have known if only for a while. Like everyone else. We aren't immortal. Our pictures probably are though.

 Every day when I come home I look at enough of them to keep me alive for another few hours. There are people around doing people things and that's an alright thing. Then I close the last app and it hits me. I breathe and tell myself it's okay. I got people things to do too. 

Maybe I'll tell someone about it, and maybe they'll feel a little warmer. Warmer than little screens can ever be. Go ahead, press the home button. 

 — Srijan Dubey (Insta: @floorcollapsing) #SOULsolace

Illustration by Henn Kim