Skip to main content

Man from the future

By John Wachira 



The guy you see is from Kathmandu, Nepal, home to Mt Everest. And the wonders in Kathmandu stretch from the topography to time. Time you say?

Well, yesterday I accompanied him to the MOI to make an inquiry about his VISA. At the reception we met this Filipino lady who had the attitude of an M-PESA attendant.

After a quick chat she asked him to produce his Birth Certificate and lo and behold, my man is from the future! Turns out he was born in March 2045! We were quite taken aback, but while he was busy explaining his unique case to the lady, whom I could tell wasn't about to believe anything he said, my imagination took the better of me.

I started to envision dethroning the Mighty Prophet Owuor from the business by relocating to Nepal, where it is 2081 today btw, and be bringing you more credible news on the future, mostly the Armageddon. 

In 2009, my uncle sold everything including his wife to the village chief bcs of a prophecy by the mighty prophet, and after living for over a decade painfully watching the chief enjoy conjugal rights that should have been his to enjoy, he disappeared from the face of the earth in 2021, and no one has seen or heard from him since.

When I settle in Nepal and my business stabilises, courtesy of your tithes, my first order of business will be to investigate if indeed Jesus already came as Zakayo - bcs we are told that Jesus will come as a... But I will also have to find out if it was just a thief or a lying, flying thief.

So y'all brace yourselves for a new age of credible prophecies where you won't have to pre-maturely sell your wife... Or husband. 




Photo: Kathmandu city, Nepal

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Major Ariel

Ariel studies Chemistry, but is also a footballer who retired prematurely because of a bad knee. A knee that chose chemistry over football. He is a farmer during long holidays. He keeps chicken and milk his father’s cow on a good day. On a bad day he goes to a nearby dusty arena to play football, to see if his knee could have possibly changed its idea about chemistry. Ten minutes into the  game he becomes a living testimony that his knees were actually meant to stand long hours in the chemistry lab doing tests and mixing chemicals to see colour changes, precipitates and what have you that don’t excite me. He is a vocabulary expert and a story teller. He is a fitness aficionado. He is a brother and a son. I can’t prove that he is a boyfriend but I can prove beyond any limits that in the past 7 days he has eaten chapatti at least thrice.  He's authored   THE FAMILY MAN ,   WHAT I WANT , GRIP REAPER ,  J'S COCUNUTS just to mention a handful. He is a huge...
24 comments
Read more

Beyond the Boarders Episode 1: Luxembourg

HAPPY 2025!! Welcome to Beyond the Borders , your gateway to the wonders of global travel! In this column, we’ll take you on thrilling adventures across continents, diving into diverse cultures, hidden gems, and must-visit destinations. From bustling cityscapes to serene natural retreats, we’ll bring you stories, tips, and inspiration to fuel your wanderlust. Whether you’re an avid traveler or someone dreaming of their first big trip, this space is for you. Join us as we traverse the globe, uncovering what makes every corner of the world special. So, fasten your seatbelts and get ready to journey Beyond the Borders . Let’s explore the world - Together ! Beyond the Borders : Exploring the World, One Story at a Time For those who are interested in Luxembourg, check this; In Kenya, applying for a Luxembourg visa is straightforward if you follow the right steps. Here’s a simplified guide to help you get started: Determine the Visa Type Identify the purpose of your visit. Common visa types ...
2 comments
Read more

At a Glance

On a good day the wind will blow and the anus of the chicken will be seen, wisdom of the Maori. On the same good day, you may plan a surprise visit to your parents up country. Not an ambush, just a good surprise. If your parents live hundreds of miles from the city like mine, you’ll need roughly 8 hours on public transport or 6 hours if you got your own car. That is if you don’t behave like your favourite car is Subaru.  A week before the good day you had told your wife that you’d like to travel with her to her in laws. So she seeks permission from work or take a fake sick leave because it will only be a day or two. Or she may just put someone in charge of her business for the two days. Because she loves your family for bringing up such a wonderful Luo guy, one who doesn’t throw his shoes under the bed or leave his socks in the kitchen sink after work… She breaks into her savings and does some crazy shopping for your parents.  In the night after dinner when you’re watching you...
25 comments
Read more