By John Wachira
The guy you see is from Kathmandu, Nepal, home to Mt Everest. And the wonders in Kathmandu stretch from the topography to time. Time you say?
Well, yesterday I accompanied him to the MOI to make an inquiry about his VISA. At the reception we met this Filipino lady who had the attitude of an M-PESA attendant.
After a quick chat she asked him to produce his Birth Certificate and lo and behold, my man is from the future! Turns out he was born in March 2045! We were quite taken aback, but while he was busy explaining his unique case to the lady, whom I could tell wasn't about to believe anything he said, my imagination took the better of me.
I started to envision dethroning the Mighty Prophet Owuor from the business by relocating to Nepal, where it is 2081 today btw, and be bringing you more credible news on the future, mostly the Armageddon.
In 2009, my uncle sold everything including his wife to the village chief bcs of a prophecy by the mighty prophet, and after living for over a decade painfully watching the chief enjoy conjugal rights that should have been his to enjoy, he disappeared from the face of the earth in 2021, and no one has seen or heard from him since.
When I settle in Nepal and my business stabilises, courtesy of your tithes, my first order of business will be to investigate if indeed Jesus already came as Zakayo - bcs we are told that Jesus will come as a... But I will also have to find out if it was just a thief or a lying, flying thief.
So y'all brace yourselves for a new age of credible prophecies where you won't have to pre-maturely sell your wife... Or husband.
2081💀😂
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